“So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies.” South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker, in a statement to the Daily Variety
“All right, so I’m not winning director.” George Clooney, on winning Best Supporting Actor for Syriana
“Answer your phone.” Mississauga Mayor Hazel McCallion, downloadable ringtone
“Well, long story short a hard-boiled egg exploded in my mouth today.” Daniel Chui
“If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende?” Razor industry parody, The Onion (2004)
“Toilet paper with at least enough strength to pull it’s own roll without tearing is a basic human right.” Steven Garrity
“Gentlemen, we got 20 calls about the David Hyde-Pierce incident. And, as you know, one call equals a billion people, which means 20 billion people were offended by this. Needless to say, something must be done.” FCC Suit #1 in Family Guy’s “PTV” episode
“Sure, they may all be laughing at you now, but pretty soon they’ll have to stop in order to catch their breath.” Your Horoscope, The Onion