Think different

“You have to understand how we do things at Apple. We think different. So, por ejemplo, as they say in the Netherlands, we don’t start with the phone, or the software. We start with the ads. We’ll spend months doing storyboards, writing slogans, making fake billboards that we put up in one of our windowless warehouses. I realize this is the reverse of how most companies do it. Just about everybody else starts with the product, and only when it’s done do they go, Oh, wait, we gotta come up with some sort of ad, don’t we? Which is why most advertising sucks, because it’s an afterthought.” Fake Steve, The Secret Diary of Steve Jobs

Because it’s really big

“I want a sundae so big, they’ll called it a ‘mondae.’” Stan, at The Sugar

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SQL Cookbook

“SELECT eggs (*) AS ingredients
FROM Refrigerator
GROUP BY NO.dozen
INSERT INTO my_fryingpan (eggs1, butter1)
UPDATE my_table SET toast = ‘lightly browned’
INSERT hole INTO toast
MERGE eggs INTO toast
USING (
SELECT Eggs, Toast)
CREATE Breakfast eggy_toast
DELETE FROM my_table WHERE plate = ‘N’” digitaldc, MySQL Cookbook

Natural order of things

“Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things.” Douglas Adams

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It wouldn’t be the first time

Hey maids. Newsflash: Naomi Campbell hits people.” grood.com

Humor Formula

“Calvin and Hobbes is widely considered the best comic ever… Whenever it combined Calvin and Hobbes (both exceedingly cute), with some witty dialog (clever), a dangerous wagon ride (cruel), Calvin acting like a typical kid (recognizable), and thinking about adult philosophy (bizarre) it fired on 5-of-6 humor elements, which is virtually unheard of.” Dilbert creator Scott Adams, on the core elements of humor

Cereal

“What, you’ve never had Cadbury Egg cereal?” Robin, Shortpacked

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DS Lite

“I had seen every picture of the new machine released on the web, watched every video, and I was still not prepared for this pygmy iteration of the device. What made the other one so big? I think this is a fair question. Is there a man inside? What is in there? Perhaps it is like one of those creatures that inflates when it feels threatened.” Tycho, on Nintendo’s new DS Lite

DS Lite

Prententious

“Why not listen to As I Became We by Tishara Quailfeather… The virulent and hermetically sealed pinings of the world’s only triple gold selling Native American artist living in an iron lung. It’s as if newly dead, and thus still pure angels, reached down into The Virgin Mothers throat and gently lifted out the sweetest and most plaintive sounds man will ever hope to hear in this life. RATING: 7.17” David Cross, Top Ten CD’s That I Just Made Up (and accompanying made-up review excerpts) to listen to while skimming through some of the overwrought reviews on Pitchforkmedia.com

Why?

“Why wash your Arby’s® down with a cold beverage? You could try washing your sandwich down with another sandwich. But a sandwich could be hard to fit in a cup and even harder to sip through a straw.” Arby’s cup